Yes, You Can!
“I just have to say ‘NO!’ to food,” said an acquaintance recently. The 70 pounds she’s worked so hard to lose were creeping back on, ounce by ounce. Seventy pounds of weight loss is nothing to sniff at, and she looks great, but her frustration was palpable. She’d lost her resolve and was trying to fix the lapse.
“No” is such a powerful word. It is human nature to resist it, because “No” means not getting something you (think you) want. Like the chips. The bread. The extra glass of wine. It’s easy to slide something you know isn’t on the diet plan into your pie-hole. So...Darned...Easy...
photo by Andres Ayrton
And so, I suggested to her, why not say “yes”? We have all witnessed the way a poorly timed "no" can cause unwelcome meltdown in a toddler’s world. Similarly, saying "no, you can’t have that" to our inner child when s/he has fixated on a chocolate bar is probably a doomed mission.
“Yes” is a simple maneuver. It’s a more welcome word, one that can nicely redirect one’s attention without the opposition inherent to the path of “no.” It can help break a toddler’s fixation on, say, needing to have that certain toy or food item. What a difference it can make, to say “Yes! Of course you can have your toy...as soon as you [fill in the blank: get in the car, pick up your room, help me clear this dinner table...].”
photo by Alexander Dummer
In a similar vein, I have often found it helpful to use the “Yes!” strategy on my own self-discipline. I learned this back in 2010 when I emerged as a flabby mess after the sedentary habits of grad school. My battle cry became, "I refuse to age into doughiness"–you know, that nasty feeling of unwelcome layers of insulation that add jiggle to your heft. The power of “yes” became my ticket to reining in the weight-creep that had occurred.
photo by pixabay
“Yes,” I would reassure my needy inner self, “you can certainly have that bag of chips...after you drink two glasses of water.” I was constantly making such deals with myself. Taking the time to drink that water (or stretch for 10 minutes, or go outside to feed the birds, or...) buys my resolve enough time to bubble back up to the surface. The distraction and pleasure of “yes” makes me worry less about failing and helps me appreciate ways where I can succeed. When my good intentions override my impulsive behavior, the turn of events helps me forget the moment of weakness, helps me walk past the kitchen, helps me attain my real goal of skipping the unwanted calories.
photo by Mikhail Nilov
The power of “Yes” can go further than momentary recalibrations of resolve. For example, according to the experts, humans descend into decline over time. “No,” some say, “not old age!” I know a person who refuses to let me utter the “O” word in apparent horror of the idea of “old.” What about putting a different spin on it? Personally, I’m impressed how my 70-plus year old body is holding up, considering the wear and tear. Think of the way items we grew up with (some of which are eerily showing up in museums) are valued. Well-aged furniture in its original condition eventually earns the designation of “antique.” Autos are considered “classic” after 20 years and “vintage” when they get to 90. Old is, ok, a somewhat time-worn word. Instead, I think, isn’t there a certain cache to other words like “vintage” and “classic” and “antique”? I say “yes!”
photo by Shvets Production
I cannot buy into the doomsday reports that aging inevitably means negative, dire consequences. Of course, our bones get more porous, our blood pressure spirals upwards, muscle mass diminishes while our heft seems to mushroom. Regardless, there’s no need to cry an existential “no!” It is possible instead to choose to look at things differently. Yes, I appreciate the endurance of this one mortal body of mine. Yes, I am willing to work at maintaining a healthy level of fitness. Yes, I invest in my well-being because I intend to be well. I say, “Yes!” Why not? It sure beats the alternative.
[This blog has been enthusiastically edited from its original version, which was posted April 6, 2015.]
