Be Your Own Pilgrim
It’s time yet again for the seasonal ice-breaker, “So, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?” I’m genuinely happy for those from loving, happy families who greet the year-end holidays with honest joy. It’s not a myth! It does happen. But for many, that casual question can generate a minefield of conflicting, competing, and cringe-worthy emotions.
When the pretty lights and bright decorations for Christmas start, oh, somewhere back at Labor Day, the grace of gratitude offered by Thanksgiving inevitably gets essentially lost. But in my book, it is the strong, silent holiday that stands steadfast beside the wild chaos and often fake exuberance of that December event. Hands down, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
What I am doing for Thanksgiving is less the point than what I am feeling about the opportunity to just say “thank you” in as many ways and to as many people as I can. No money need be exchanged, there’s no pressure to outdo someone else, postal mailing deadlines aren’t relevant, there’s not even all that much pressure to show up. Sure, it’s a family day (thus the cause of much of the angst). It may involve taking a few days to drive or fly to gather with people you may or may not care to spend time with. But the main event is really only for a few hours and a football game, right?
All of which to say, I am surely not alone when I hem and haw in answer to that question about holiday plans. People have surprisingly ingrained ideas about the right answer. Yet many face innumerable non-traditional, multi-parent, blended family situations. Unless you are lucky enough to have a reliable annual tradition to guide you, there’s a perpetual struggle. Maybe it means going one place for one holiday and another for the other. Maybe it means putting up with a least-favorite relative’s behavior. Maybe it’s tolerating the red-hot political divide. It’s complicated.
So the other day, when a friend made the inevitable inquiry, I said I might be in one place, might be in another, depending on a situation waiting to be clarified and that I just might be alone. When the gasp was audible, I reassured him that I would be fine. I do “solitary” well, and (usually) skip “lonely.” But I do find it interesting the way some people are appalled when a plan doesn’t fit their preconceived notions of how something like this “should” be. They instantly begin to try to find ways to include me. This is deeply appreciated, of course! But, as my friend and I agreed, every year is different and sometimes a new plan is needed. He concluded our conversation with this beautiful idea: “Just be your own pilgrim.”
What a wonderful way to approach Thanksgiving! What gracious permission not to stress out about the logistics of this precious holiday. However it unfolds (and it will unfold with treasured friends, no matter where I land), I’ll bring my best pilgrim self to the table.
Then, of course, soon comes the next question: “So, what are you doing for Christmas?”
