November! Already? Ahhh, November. To me, the arrival of this month is like smelling cookies in the oven—a happy, tantalizing thing. I welcome November because of its urgency, prodding those of us living in the northern realm to finish preparing for winter and come inside out of the chill air.

Another reason among many: November hosts my favorite holiday: Thanksgiving. Two of my favorite things, in one word: Thanks. Giving.

Thanksgiving actually had to earn its way into my heart, because I have not always been thankful, and I have not always had much capacity to give with grace. These are learned skills for me. They developed after I recognized that a lot of my unhappiness hinged on things I could control by building new life habits.

What a wonderful habit, to be thankful (defined by Oxford Dictionary as “pleased and relieved”) and thus grateful (defined as “showing an appreciation of kindness”). The difference: being thankful is a feeling and gratitude is an action. Habit replacement transitioned my former worldview of chronic negativity to what is now typically a bright optimism sourced by gratitude. Nowadays, I feel thankful for most everything. The new day. A chat with a treasured friend. A hearty, sweaty workout. And when the inevitable challenges and setbacks and deep life-valleys come along, I (try to) practice gratitude for the possibilities they represent for learning and growth, too.

I am thankful as well for the chance to give to others. It can be very simple, to give. Just seizing the moment to say something nice to another person in a waiting line, or the harried restaurant server, or my own kid can lift their day. I know, because of how good it feels to me when others offer me some grace. Such moments are free, but priceless. It is a gift for a homebound elderly person to drive around for a half hour to see the fall colors—and a gift to me to witness her abiding joy. One day, I was eating a sub sandwich and, as I tend to, gave a smile to a gentleman who was headed in to get his lunch. On his way out, he took time to stop and thank me for that smile. It had been a rough day, he said, and my simple gesture boosted his soul.

Thanksgiving comes at the front end of the “Holiday Season,” on the last Thursday of the month in the USA (the second weekend of October in Canada). This longtime tradition brings loved ones together to celebrate, enjoy time together, and eat lots of great dishes (some which only get trotted out on such special occasions). But the weeks of the season can get harried. It can be too easy to forget the underlying message the holiday conveys. This next part makes me sad, but it does bear mentioning: I’m mindful, too, that the Hallmark image of Thanksgiving is not what everyone experiences. Maybe some families put on a charade, but authenticity of spirit is lacking. Others have little to eat, or do not get along, or are alone and isolated. My wish would be that this was not so.

When I chose to create a new inner framework for the lens I hold up to the world, it transformed from dark and threatening to a better, sustainable view. All I did was disallow expressions of a negative nature. If I said, “Look at this stupid day, it’s going to be rainy,” I tasked myself to replace the words immediately with a positive slant: “hmm, looks like I won’t have to water the lawn today.” Of course, I had to referee my own internal dialogue, which was way more challenging. With weeks of effort, the habits of thanks and gratitude came. The difference has been a life-gift to myself.

There is always space for both giving and for thanks. Thanks. Giving. Thanksgiving. It is more than a day to check off on the calendar before rushing to the next thing. May the holiday season (starting with the best holiday in the finest month!) fill you up, inside and out.